Sarah Jordan Troyer, 04.14.92 – 02.10.19

Sarah was a beautiful soul with a compassionate heart, a fierce dedication to family and friends, and an incredible love for animals.

She was a daughter, sister, niece, grandaughter, great grandaughter, cousin and friend.

Sarah’s body passed Sunday, February 10, 2019. On Monday, February 18, 2019, surrounded by her family, Sarah’s body was blessed by 4 Thai Buddhist Monks before cremation.

Sarah’s favorite poem:
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
EE Cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Sarah,

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be,”

I love you, Sweetie.

Mom

Little Girl Lost, December 2017

Little Girl Lost

I knew as your mother at twenty-three
My job was always to choose you over me
I sacrificed so you could be free
Little girl, heroin is NOT your destiny

Remember wanting to be a fire fighter
Your life was supposed to be easy and lighter
Tables have turned, you’re unconcerned
The fire you fight is with yourself at night

Denial so vile, the heart can’t reconcile
Selling your self-esteem
For tar in your bloodstream
This is NOT the American Dream

The addict’s con requires participation
Hope springs eternal
The desperation of trepidation

Didn’t sharing my pain and struggles
Absolve my children of future troubles

The sermons I gave urging you to be brave
Not heroin’s slave
Little girl it’s time
Stop digging your grave

You’re twenty-five now, should be grown
These choices you’ve made all on your own
It’s not too late to atone.
Little girl, just pick up the phone.

The present and the past, the feelings so vast
My baby girl lost
MY HEART’S HOLOCAUST

Treason for no reason
The lying, crying, trying…
Watching my little girl slowly dying

“Where did I go wrong?” “Didn’t I teach you to be strong?”
My heart’s questions an interrogation
My love not enough to resist temptation

The confusion of my illusion
The frustration of the situation
My pain. Your agony. Be free of this tragedy

My love a flotation device; not enough to suffice
Help yourself, choose to be free
This time, baby girl, YOU choose you over me.

~ Jen Troyer, December 2017

Little Girl, November 2007

Little Girl

 

Tears shed, happy and sad

Heartbreak, both mine and yours

Unconditional love, my feelings for you

Overwhelming joy, what you’ve given to me

 

I know you can’t see through 15 year old eyes

The decisions I made were for both of us

The times you saved my life because I was coming home to you

My real birth date it’s not 1971….it’s April 1992

 

You don’t have to like me or even love me

But you are stuck with me

I’m the only mother you’ll ever have

And I’m not going anywhere

 

So listen up:

  • I want you to want what’s best for you
  • Demand respect from others, by having self-respect
  • Determine where your life goes, by choosing your path wisely
  • See the world and all it has to offer, create your own destiny
  • Give your heart away, but only to someone who is worthy
  • Give to those less fortunate, but first be good to yourself
  • Shout out loud and make yourself heard, and know when to just listen
  • Have your own opinion and stand up for what you believe, but do your research
  • Vote…every time, it is not your right, it’s your obligation
  • Support other women, there’s a long line of women who stood up for you
  • If something seems too good to be true, say “No, thank you”.
  • Avoid dangerous situations, but know how to protect yourself
  • Hold doors open for the elderly, and don’t be offended if someone opens the door for you
  • Wear clean underwear, brush your teeth, and be thankful
  • Show compassion – through all of your actions
  • Believe in yourself, even when you think no one else does
  • Always – always – always know that I love you

 

~ Jen Troyer, November 2007