The Hole, August 2014

The Hole

Crying in the shower 

till the hot water runs out

The tears could fill the tub again

The heart an unrelenting spout

 

Don’t feed the monster –

Afraid to eat

Vomit the only way for the hurt to excrete

 

Heartache, emptiness, anger –

The endless pain

That never seems to wean

 

The hole can’t be filled.

 

You can’t cry it away!

 

You can’t drink away!

 

You can’t fuck it away!

 

Trust me, I’ve tried

The heart keeps pumping

An endless tide

 

All you can do is stare at the hole

Wish it away

Try to fill it with another glass of Cabernet

 

Like a twisted episode of the Twilight Zone

The hour of my discontent

Time for healing unknown

 

You realize the black hole was always there

Plugged for a while

Waiting to tear

 

Filled with 9 years of lies

While the love rotted

Covered in flies

 

Filled with remodels and websites

With exotic trips

But never insights.

 

Filled with psychotic episodes

Masking the trust

As it corrodes

 

Filled with hope and empty promises

The love was sick

A kidney on dialysis

 

No chance of recovery

The reasons are a mystery

 

It’s alright. I digress

No solution or resolution

Our love was a mess.

 

It’s okay, baby.

At the end of the day

I’ll recover – but you, my darling

You’ll always be this way

 

~ Jen Troyer, August 2014

Author: The Green Dragon Lady

Jen is a Digital Nomad, Business Owner and aspiring Wordsmith. Jen splits her time 90% in Thailand and 10% in Seattle. She’s a tattooed eco-warrior, traveler, mom, vegetarian, diver, pool hall junkie, political loud mouth, and advocate for women and animals. As a highly functional person living with OCD most of her life, she channels that energy through spreadsheets (so many!), living in her happy place (Thailand), caring for animals (including rescued elephants), spending quality time with friends and family, listening to live music, and being passionately outspoken about what matters to her. Jen owns an eco-friendly house cleaning company in Seattle and loves teaching people how to do anything in the most environmentally and socially responsible way possible. Whether it’s the food we put in our bodies, the cleaning products and supplies we use in our homes, or the businesses we frequent, there’s always a responsible solution. She believes every dollar spent is a vote for something. Where you spend has a big impact.